Audiobook Unmentionable: The Victorian Lady's Guide to Sex, Marriage, and Manners by Therese Oneill in the ListenBook app
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Book description
June 12th, 2024
Just finished Unmentionable on audiobook while walking the dog, and I'm still laughing. Honestly, Therese Oneill has done something miraculous: she's made Victorian etiquette feel like the most scandalous, relatable thing ever. I'd been bracing for dry history, but this is pure, unadulterated wit-like your sharpest, most scandalous friend whispering secrets over tea.
The narrator (a delightfully deadpan British voice) reads lines like "a pot of cold pee sits under your bed" with such casual horror that I snorted into my coffee. And the reasons? "Shush, dear. A lady doesn't question." I kept pausing the audiobook to text my sister: You HAVE to hear this about the crotchless underwear. (Spoiler: It's not for comfort. It's for modesty while sitting on a hard chair. The sheer, baffling logic of it all.)
What's brilliant is how Oneill doesn't mock the women of the era-she honors them. The book's heart is in revealing how fiercely they navigated a world designed to silence them. Hearing about the arsenic in face cream or the panic of "menstruating loathsome addiction" (yes, that's a quote) isn't just funny-it's a quiet tribute to their resilience. The illustrations mentioned in the blurb? The audiobook description of them ("a gentleman's very stiff waistcoat, drawn with alarming precision") made me picture the whole thing in my head.
And oh-the modern gratitude. I listened while scrolling through my phone (yes, modern life is so much better), and the book's closing line-"ecstatically grateful to live in an age of pants, super absorbency tampons, epidurals"-had me wiping tears of relief. I've never felt so grateful for my period products and my ability to wear pants without a corset.
This isn't just a history book. It's a love letter to the women who survived the absurdity, and a reminder that humor is the sharpest tool we have. I'll never read Pride and Prejudice the same way again. Now I know why Elizabeth Bennet was so damn relieved to marry Mr. Darcy. She'd been living in a world where "wedding night" meant "don't faint, dear, and try not to scream."
If you've ever wondered what it really felt like to be a Victorian woman, this audiobook is your secret, hilarious, utterly human guide. And honestly? It's the only history lesson that made me grateful for my own messy, modern life. I'll be buying it for my book club. And maybe a copy for my mom. She'll appreciate the "cold pee pot" detail. (She's a bit of a history nerd, but not this kind of history.)
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